What Christmas REALLY means to me

Last Wednesday the pub church that I work for had an open mic testimony time based around ‘What does Christmas mean to you?’ I was fully adamant I wasn’t going to say anything, but at some point I found myself stood at the microphone, uttering all kinds of non-sensical and jumbled words. Intending to encourage, i went to resume my place in the audience red-faced, embarrassed, and feeling as if I’d just wasted 5 minutes of everyone’s time. I wish I’d planned what I said, and it’s been on my mind all week, so I thought I would write down what I wish I had said, so here it is….

I am a Christian, but grew up not knowing about God. Christmas was all about the presents and the food, as far as I was concerned, and the only baby that would get a look in would be a new plastic dolly in my mound of gifts.

However, my childhood wasn’t the easiest, and I have some deep emotionally scarring memories from Christmases past. I found out (rather traumatisingly) that Santa wasn’t real, and the ‘magic’ of Christmas, for me, was sucked out rather quickly and rather too early. As a result, I would dread Christmas, as the concepts of ‘’Christmas Cheer’ and ‘in the festive spirit’ just didn’t exist for me. My difficult family relationships would become even more strained as we were forced to spend day after day confined to each other’s company, because at Christmas time, that’s just what you do.

At somewhere along the line, when I was 15 to be more exact, I became a Christian. This had nothing to do with anything Christmas-related, but the effect has ricocheted into all areas of my life. I try to seek God in all I do, think and say. In how I act, react, and adapt to the events that unfold in my life. And this includes the Christmas season.

Since becoming a Christian, I now see the immense Joy that God brought into the world by sending His son. The baby was sent as our Saviour, our reconciliation, our future. He is our Hope. He is the one who will wipe every tear from our eyes, and because of Him, no more will there be death or sorrow or crying or pain. And because of all these things, and so many more, I need not hate Christmas. Instead I know to focus on what really matters. Over the holidays, the joy of the Lord will be my strength in a very real way.

A few people on Wednesday shared how thankful they were for their families and how they were really happy they got to spend these holidays with them. I know, for me, that this time will be an uphill struggle in my relationships with my family, as has always been the case, regardless of the epic amount of forgiveness and healing that has taken place. But that’s ok, because I know to prepare myself for the worst, and I know that God’s unfailing love will hold me through it all. But as I sat there on Wednesday, listening to these tales of positivity, I felt really lonely with my little fractured situation. But the stark reality is that I know that’s not the case.

We all, this Christmas time, will come across someone, a situation, whatever, that we will find so incredibly difficult to face and deal with. This might be an ill relative, colliding viewpoints, unbearable friction, buried emotions, some self admittance, a painful relationship. Whatever. All these deeply sad scenarios could spend the holidays eating away at us, consuming us, and tainting our happiness. But only if we let them. And in this, we have a choice. We can choose to dwell in the dark and depths, to show anger and to bear grudges. Or, we can spend our time looking to that Joy, which came to earth over 2,000 years ago to give us the strength and up-lifting to get through Christmas day, the holidays, and whatever else we may face. This Joy is there to open our eyes and to lift them heavenwards. It’s there so that as we walk into all these hard and seemingly unbearable situations, there is a visible glimpse of Light. This Joy, this Hope, this glimpse of Light, is what gets us through.

This Christmas season I am going to try my utmost hardest to live within that ray of Light. There will be difficult times, and I’m not trying to mask those – I’m just trying to remind myself that I will always have a choice, and I want to keep on aspiring and remembering to choose Joy. Here’s to trying.

How He Loves Us

This isn't really a blog post as such, i've just fallen in love with a song recently, the lyrics of which blow me away, and i just wanted to share....

How He Loves by David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…